So yes, I was a part of the valentine’s day group that got to experience this god-awful movie. Let me say that I enjoyed the first two installments of this series. Obliviously not for the reasons that most of the targeted demographic would give these movies a watch. I just like watching coordinated dancing with some comedy thrown in.

Anyways this movie sucks eggs. That’s probably not so surprising as the two main stars, (Channing Tatum and Salma Hayek) are older in their careers. They both still look great, but this third installment is almost a complete polar opposite from the first two plot lines.

In this movie we find our protagonist, Mike, bartending when he runs into Salma’s character, Maxandra. She hears about his past as a dancer and asks to pay him for a lap dance. So, I got to experience with the rest of the packed movie theatre, an extremely long intimate scene of the dance between the two. I don’t know exactly how long it was but I’m sure it was at least five full minutes long. Five full minutes of the most awkward, low chemistry, graphic lap dance. I specifically remember Liz saying, “Okay, let’s wrap it up”.

The plotline consists of Maxandra, who is very wealthy, acquiring a London theatre and changing the play it’s currently putting on. And they’re changing the play to, you guessed it, a show with strippers. Apparently, the dance between Mike and Maxandra enlightened her to share her experience with the world.

The rest of the movie is Mike choreographing the show and directing it with dancers and strippers they find throughout Europe. Oh, and the best part is Mike only dances again in the last fucking scene of the movie when they put on their production. In the last dance. And he’s so old he had to wear knee pads.

Look if y’all want to pay to see this movie I won’t stop or judge you, but I would definitely wait to watch it when it’s available on a streaming service. With no additional cost to you. They can’t all be winners.